Wow. This year has flown by so incredibly fast. Christmas is literally about to pass us by and it’ll be time to ring in 2020, which is just crazy to me! I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting off this post because although it’s beautiful moments captured of our family, the words that I’ve been thinking of putting behind it all have been a little heavy, and sometimes that can be hard to make yourself sit down and type out. However, I’m hoping this open and honest post will be helpful to someone in case they are going through something difficult and just need some reassurance they’re not alone.
2019 has definitely been one of my least favorite years. From the very first day of the year, we were hit with a challenging situation when Lee broke his back, and to be completely honest, it was a hard time. After seeing what my dear friend has recently gone through with the loss of her husband, it doesn’t feel like I have the right to even say that, but it was our reality at the time. Seeing Lee in pain and not being able to do much for him was difficult, but he is not one to sit back and complain, and he went back to work and life much quicker than anyone I know would have! It’s one of the things I admire so much about him. I, on the other hand, found myself fighting a dark cloud that hovered over me constantly following his accident, and I just couldn’t shake the feelings of depression and anxiety that had crept back into my life due to the circumstances we were under. These feelings weren’t foreign to me….I’ve dealt with depression in the past, but I eventually always made my way through it. However, as I quickly realized, sometimes circumstances can bring these feelings and struggles back to the surface, which is what happened with me. I’ve learned that’s okay though and sometimes that just happens! Once our life got back to normal and I opened up about how I was feeling, things got better and I’m happy to say I kicked depression in the booty this time! I always want to keep things lighthearted here on the blog, but I thought it was important to share that personal experience because no matter how great someone’s life may look, there are so many aspects of their life you don’t see…including struggles and hard times. No one’s life is perfect, we’ve all got our own battles we’re fighting through, and I think it’s important to always recognize that. If you ever find yourself dealing with something that feels bigger than you, please always reach out to someone. I promise it’s much easier to tackle with a support system in your corner!
We had a really great summer…we spent so many weekends and afternoons by the pool, and Lee and I constantly talked about how lucky and blessed we are to have all that we have. Towards the end of the summer, we were in full prep mode for Nicholas to start kindergarten and we even planned a trip to the Florida Keys in late September for an overdue family vacation. Of course, disaster struck again while we were away, and our house flooded due to a well pump that burst. It destroyed everything in our basement…the kids play room, their clothes they had grown out of, all of our furniture, Christmas decorations, sentimental things from my childhood, sentimental things that belonged to Nicholas and Ella…just so many important things. Pretty much everything had to be thrown out, several things had to be replaced, and it’s just been a nightmare dealing with it all. However, through darkness there is light, and that is where the inspiration for our family pictures came into play…..
When we were 16, our best friend, Sarah Sperry, passed away. At our dance recital that year, my friend Carly and I performed a ballet duet to “Wind Beneath My Wings” and dedicated it to her. I’ll never forget when we picked out the costumes, it was instantaneous. We just knew that was the costume for our tribute to Sarah. It was royal blue velvet and tulle, and one of my favorite costumes of all my 13 years of dance. My mom had sent it to me awhile back along with several other important things from my childhood, and everything was damaged in the flood since it was stored downstairs. I washed the costume a couple of times in hopes of salvaging it and had it hanging in the laundry room. One day out of nowhere, I was like “that’s it…there’s my inspiration for our pictures!” I know to some that seems like a deep road to go down just to figure out what you’re gonna wear for your Christmas card pictures, but that’s what I do. I’m extremely sentimental, I hang on to things and memories like there’s no tomorrow, and it brings me so much joy to bring an old memory of someone or some thing back to life. Now, these pictures mean even more to me because Sarah’s memory is behind it, and that wouldn’t have been the case if there hadn’t been a flood. Got to find the silver lining right?? The kids were absolute angels during the entire shoot (which NEVER happens) so it truly was a cherished experience this year. Well, not the flood part, but you know what I mean.
My precious Nicholas. He’s at such a sweet stage where he just wants to be a good boy (most of the time), and I can always count on him to strike a pose and big grin anytime the camera comes out. He was perfect for our pictures this year!
Lee says Ella is his mom reincarnated. She always clasps her hands like this, and did so the entire time while taking our pictures. His mom used to do the same thing, and it’s so neat to see Mrs. Buono shine through her.
As I’ve gone back and re-read what I’ve written over and over again, I guess you could say this is my end of the year reflection post too. 2019 has had it’s fair share of challenges for us, but we made it through and we’re a stronger family because of it. This year has certainly reminded me how precious time with your family is, and I am grateful now more than ever for mine.
Photos by: Allison McCafferty Photography
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